Leave It All Behind

A friend of mine prayed and asked God for some words for me. Below is what he received.

“Fear has cornered you. It’s been a long journey with him [fear]. You’ve escaped before but he always finds you again. (Childhood fears, being on the “right” path, failure/ letting people down). Give that fear to God again. Fight it and keep on fighting it. There’s a power and authority in you; something that God has given you. It’s in your actions and speech. You’re a truth speaker a prayer worrier. Truth that not just penetrates people but that also reaches the spiritual realm. Your actions confirm, strengthen, and solidify your words. In God’s hands you’re such a powerful weapon for his kingdom! If you’re scared, do it scared until you’re no longer scared.”

When he originally sent that to me, it didn’t resonate right away. But this week I’ve been pretty sick. So I reached out to some friends to ask them to pray for me and for healing before my travel to Spain.

One of my friends responded and said, “But I also just had a thought when you said you’re sick. Ask God what He’s getting rid of within you before you leave that you need to leave behind. Because it’s coming out physically”.

Whoa. So I asked Jesus and the word FEAR came. And more specifically, the fear of not being enough. This made a lot of sense to me because I’ve been struggling heavily with comparison the last month or so. But comparison wasn’t the root problem. And I’ve been asking Jesus what the root is so we can get rid of it, but He kept saying it wasn’t quite time to reveal it.

Well, yesterday I was chatting with a good friend and sharing all this with her. As we talked through it and I processed it more, I realized that the fear was the root. The root of all the comparison that’s been going on lately.

I’ve been afraid that the way I walked out this past season at home wasn’t enough for others because it didn’t look like the “typical Christian lifestyle”. (Which by the way, each person’s relationship with God is personal and unique. So our walks with Jesus will look different and that’s something to celebrate, not compare).

But that’s what I’ve been doing. Out of fear, I’ve been trying to prove that this season was fruitful and beautiful and abundant. Which it WAS!

So NO MORE! I don’t need to be afraid of what others will think of my walk with Jesus. The only person that I put stock into what they think of me is Jesus. But I don’t have to worry because I know what He thinks. He loves me. Wow. I am born to be loved and so I no longer need to fear. AMEN!

And this opportunity gave me the chance to put into practice something else I’ve been learning in this season, which is having grace for myself. I’ve struggled with this fear and comparison before. And I’ve had victory over it before. But life is like a spiral. You hit something once and work through it and then keep going on the spiral. And eventually you will hit it again and have to work through that same thing on a deeper level.

There’s always more Jesus can do to make us look more like him. So instead of beating myself up for struggling with this again, I sat back and said, it’s good. I’m gaining victory over this battle at a deeper level. Praise Jesus.

And now I’m headed to Spain for 9 months to be discipled and to learn how to create communities that understand what it means to be loved by God in a world that is fueled with transactional love.

God has been so good to set me up well for this next season and to continue the work He has started in me. And I know He will be faithful to complete it to the end.

Thank you to everyone who has continued to support me whether financially or prayerfully. YOU have made it possible for me to get to this point and continue on this amazing journey with Jesus.

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And if you would be willing, please pray for my friend, Rob. He is behind on funds to be able to get to Spain with us and he needs those TODAY so he can arrive on time for classes on Monday. Thank you!

I will update more once I arrive in Spain and get settled. Please pray for safe travels.

I love you all with a love that is not my own but is of God.

Love,

Rachel